‘M’ for “Mandatory Events Of Every Year”
The first time I really made a splash with my Halloween costume was at age nine. When other little girls were begging to be a princess or fairy, I demanded my mother make me a Cousin It costume. Cousin It is a character from the The Addams Family movies that’s covered in long brown hair and squeaks rather than talks. My desire to be a big hairy creature for Halloween is rather inexplicable. The Addams Family had just come out, so surely that had to do with it, but why didn’t I want to be Wednesday Addams, played by the popular Christina Ricci? I have to give my mother credit for indulging in my weird request.
And my goodness, did Mama do me proud.
She made me a two-piece outfit of russet fur from the fabric store, a literal head-to-toe hair suit. Interestingly enough, I’d never seen her sew anything before the Cousin It costume, nor have I since. I wore a cowboy hat on my hairy head, onto which I taped a sign that read Trick or Treat because I was committed to my character and thus refused to talk. I remember walking from house to house flanked by my sister (dressed as a black cat—boring!) and our friend Marion (dressed as a witch—sooo standard!). They had to lead me by the elbow because I’d refused to have eyeholes cut in the fur so as to maintain the integrity of the costume. I frightened one toddler so badly he peed his pants. I was one happy hairball.
Costumes I have worn more recently:
- God’s Gift to Men: I dreamed up this masterpiece the year after I worked at the Loose Moose, when my newly found self-assuredness was fresh. I wore a tight black dress and tied a giant bow around my neck with a card that read To: Men, From: God. At the last minute, I chickened out of being so brazen, and convinced my friend Kehoe to be my partner, his card read To: Women, From: God. I’m pretty sure everyone thought we were conceited assholes.
- Freudian Slip: To be a Freudian Slip, I found an old-fashioned lace slip from the thrift store and screen-printed a giant photo of Freud onto it. I felt clever and witty wearing it, and I learned a new word: parapraxis.
- Elvis: You should already know all about this one. If not, see ‘A’ for “Accidental Life Revelations” (the best part about the costume is how comfortable it is; I’ve been known to wear it around the house).
